Superlatives

Last Friday, our class handed out Superlatives for IB Freshman. I won most likely to travel the world and most talkative. What a suprise. But I've decided that I should have a say in my classmates' destiny (not most likely, but what will happen to them)...on blogger...here they are:

Kiani will move away from home as soon as she is of age and/or raises enough gas money. She'll get in her sporty little car and drive to Hawaii (yes, Kiani will drive to an island) and meet her new neighbor Maria Wanke. There she will open her own swimming instruction school, charging outrageous prices for quality anti-drowning techniques.

Maria will marry Tanner after their their three and a quater years of dating, right after she graduates. She will then also move to Hawaii, Maria and her husband via submarine stowaway, and miraculously meet Kiani. Maria will attend the only college in Hawaii to study chemical engineering to save aquatic creatures while Tanner stays home to raise their perfect son.

Kirstin is going straight to New York City after high school, majoring in fine arts at NYU. After a few years of being a chorus member in various Disney on Stage productions, she will open her own dance studio and become a choreographer. She never marries, though recieves mysterious phone calls at night from a man known only as The Blonde.

Jordan, after dropping out of high school, goes where no other straight man has worked before...the hair salon. Driving across the country, he works in hundreds of small parlors before settling just north of NYC where he works in a high-end fashion magazine. In his free time, Jordan plays with his golden retriever and makes nightime calls.

Darla, graduating as both Valedictorion and Most Likely To Succeed If And When Madhav Fails, mysteriously vanishes, only to be seen creeping among clothes racks at department stores and malls.

Devi is run over by Erin accidentally a year after graduation. She contracts amnesia while being nursed by Erin, who is currently in medical school, and Devi forgets all education beyond fourth grade. She is very happy. While taking a trip to Sand Creek with Erin, Devi suddenly remembers everything and falls into deep depression. Devi and Erin are now neighbors in Seattle, where they both work as professional bungee jumpers.

Bronson stars in many blockbuster films, working on projects until he is 29. After that, he retired to San Diego where he works as a children's book author recently featured on 'Where are they Now?' Bronson also has recently suffered much, thanks to an XXX movie allegation, for which he was found as an accessory...the filmer.

Robyn wins a national award in Junior year for most pizza rolls eaten in one sitting...2,109 rolls. She is now a celebrity and has her own Nickelodeon show. Her hair is never the same color for more than two days, so she wears a purple wig on the set of the show, Princess In Uzbekistan. The ratings are the highest for her time slot, 4:15 am on Thursdays. Robyn is expected to appear on the next season of Dancing with the Stars.

Mr. Burns and Mrs. Burns take a neverending vacation to Italy, where it is rumored that they are teaching Penguins to grow gills.

Tasha marries John a few years after high school. She takes all his money, divorces him, and moves to Kentucky. Tasha owns an extremely successful tractor manufacturing business and has a gorgeous child with a farmer she met. They are loaded and have vacation homes in every major city from here to Baijing.

Armando becomes the youngest and lightest sumo wrestler in history. He uses his agility to pants the other wrestlers, causing them to trip. Therefore, Armando wins all rounds, because the wrestlers can't bend over far enough to stop him. He lives in Singapore, often traveling to Japan for competitions. Later, he marries a Vietnamese woman Brian introduced him to, only to find out that the woman was Brian's long lost sister.

Jessica manages to conquer Australia and Antarctica, crowning herself queen of the Australian Antarctican Alliance, or AAA. She has nine palaces across the globe and fights injustice in Iran, Saudi Arabia, Czech Republic and numerous fast food drive ins. She has a large family; eight kids, all with names beginning with L.

Brittney finishes high school two years early after becoming both the American Idol and the winner of Your Mama Don't Dance, a feat yet to be matched. She lives in her home in Colorado, where she can often be found teaching a youth group some Christian rock she wrote.

Sari accidentally makes her high school collapse after some miscommunication about toilet operation. Deemed dangerous, Sari is brought to a maximum-security prison where she miraculously breaks free using only her teeth and an old staple she discovered in her big toenail. She is still at large, having been sighted near Disneyworld with a match and a large can of gasoline.

Shelby did not in fact become a fugitive, but rather works for the government. She helps put people into the Witness Protection Program. She is very good at her job, though occasionally sells the relocated family's property to purchase more music devices to add to her collection of iPods, the world's largest.

Connor fell into a manhole, never to be seen again.

Finally, Mrs. Galipault, after a Personal Project presentation went wrong, became conjoined with Mr. Schuster by the pinkie. This has made her marraige difficult, though she perserveres by making Schuster sleep on a small pile of newspapers at night. Mrs. Galipault and her husband quickly resort to adoption.

That's all I have for now...ttyl!

-Kyle

Review: Cloverfield

Well, although the title is fairly retarded, (I'll explain it later) I hate to say that I enjoyed JJ Abrams' "Cloverfield"

I've heard from my friends that it was a cheap knock-off of the Blair Witch Project, so I went into the movie feeling skeptical. This was not the case; the only similarity was in the style of first person shooting. That style may have been premiered in the Blair Witch Project, but that doesn't make it exclusive.

Another interesting thing about Cloverfield was its lack of reason. Which makes perfect sense. If you were an innocent bystander who happened to be holding a camera when a monster attacks New York, you won't exactly have CIA intel on why the thing was there. That made it all the freakier for me.

The effects were great. Even with the shaky camera, it wasn't difficult at all to tell what was happening. The monster was fantastically animated and realistic, as was its surrounding environment. Even the dramatic falling of the statue of liberty's head seemed plausible.

My only complaint was the sound. I know that it was supposed to be sort of camcorder-crummy, and the sound effects were not. But some of the dialogue was incomprehensible and I had to even skip behind a few times.

One last kudo was the 'original tape' effect. See the film to know what that is. It at least gives the viewer a bit of time to breathe and catch up. Plus, the very last scene, on the ferris wheel, has some important information while it shows the ocean. Keep an eye out.

4/5 stars
(Cloverfield is the title because the producers gave the monster the name 'Clover' and thus New York would be Clover's Field. Cloverfield.)

Review of 'One Missed Call'

I am a devoted fan of the 'Ring' series, created by the same people who made 'One Missed Call.' I must say, OMC was an enjoyable film, with the classic modern scares here and there. But overall, I must say it was a huge disappointment.

For one thing, the plot was almost exactly the same as the first 'Ring' film. It follows the story of an electronic item that, no matter how you try and escape it or destroy it, always hunts you down or returns. This electric item also follows a trail of victims, dating back to it's creator, a girl child suffering from child abuse. The next killing is also preceded by a specific sound (RING= static, OMC= ringtone) and the main character must find the original creator/user of the electronic item and put their soul to rest. There is a part in both films, near the end, where it seems that the two main characters succeeded in their mission. But they don't and the main male character dies, leaving the female, stunned. Behind. The children in all the movies have a specific plaything that plays a specific, haunting, tune.

Yeah. That's not similar at all.
Come on. Let's invent an original plot.

Another thing. The music sucked. The only tune we ever hear is the quickly-irritating and repetetive music-box style song that eminates from the bear and from the cell-phones.

Acting was great though. Fantastic performances all around, particularly in the more minor roles of the friends.

I wouldn't buy this movie, but it was a good rent.

2/5 stars